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Well now...
I have been completely vilified in at least 3 different LJ communities for not being a June Cleaver parent when it comes to watching my children in public places because I started a thread about how my son wasn't given any first aide when he hurt himself at a bank.
I've been essentially told to give my son up for adoption. I've been told to put him on reigns. I've been told to get myself sterilized. On and on and on and just generally made into shit because I "let" my son hurt himself.
Get fucking off of it. June Cleaver is a fantasy. Would it be my fault if my son fell and cracked his head open at school? Or at camp? The difference between those places and the bank and mall? That I was there and therefore, in their unfeeling and uncaring opinions, all my fault my son got hurt.
What am I supposed to do? Call up CPS and beg for help? Did that. 18 months ago when DP had a heart attack and I had to deal with hyperactive DS, DP in ICU for most of a week and on 3 different heart meds for 4 months, and a newborn, AND recovering from childbirth. "We don't have the funds" I was told.
And last September? Same thing. I asked for help, specifically because I had a fucking broken foot and couldn't get around that well. We were told to keep on keeping on and that we were handing him "fine." The kicker? We were there was no funds available for any "help" even if it was urgently needed.
So, if some meddler wants to make my life hell for the next 6 months, go ahead and call up CPS. All they will do is investigate, make demands, and then when we ask for help, there suddenly won't be any funds for that help.
Put my kid on a leash, I'm told. Did that. Nuclear tantrums. Tantrums that even our social worker had a hard time dealing with. Put him in a stroller. Again, nuclear tantrums.
Put him on drugs. Would love to. Need a doctor for that. Oh right... I've spent the last 2 months actively searching for a family doctor. I'm fucking lucky I found a midwife. So, no, we don't have a doctor. Second problem with drugs - unless they are the "thin strips" type, he spits them out even when made into dust and sprinkled on ice cream. Althought, he will take his inhalers.
Put him in foster care. Tried to do that. Again, no funds. Not even for respite care.
Get a sitter. The last sitter we had who had him more than 2 hrs was amazed that I hadn't gone crazy cause of how he is. She is a grandmother with an autistic hyperactive son who couldn't handle MY son.
Put him in daycare. Would love to. But I need to go through the "process" that has been stalled for over 3 months because the local child development centre doesn't remember that I called and asked to see someone.
Bite me morons. Go spend 6 hrs "taking care" of my son and then tell me I'm a bad parent. Let's see if you can stay ahead of him.
And know what I just adore the most about all these comments - there is nothing directed at his father. I'm the one with all the responsibility because I'm the mother. What if I was working and this was his father posting instead? Would you still vilify him or have pity because he's just the father? Maybe, but I'd still be vilified for not putting my kids ahead of my career or some other lame excuse.
Grow up and smell the coffee. Parents are not perfect. Kids act up. Even when parents do all they can for their children, kids still get hurt.
I've been essentially told to give my son up for adoption. I've been told to put him on reigns. I've been told to get myself sterilized. On and on and on and just generally made into shit because I "let" my son hurt himself.
Get fucking off of it. June Cleaver is a fantasy. Would it be my fault if my son fell and cracked his head open at school? Or at camp? The difference between those places and the bank and mall? That I was there and therefore, in their unfeeling and uncaring opinions, all my fault my son got hurt.
What am I supposed to do? Call up CPS and beg for help? Did that. 18 months ago when DP had a heart attack and I had to deal with hyperactive DS, DP in ICU for most of a week and on 3 different heart meds for 4 months, and a newborn, AND recovering from childbirth. "We don't have the funds" I was told.
And last September? Same thing. I asked for help, specifically because I had a fucking broken foot and couldn't get around that well. We were told to keep on keeping on and that we were handing him "fine." The kicker? We were there was no funds available for any "help" even if it was urgently needed.
So, if some meddler wants to make my life hell for the next 6 months, go ahead and call up CPS. All they will do is investigate, make demands, and then when we ask for help, there suddenly won't be any funds for that help.
Put my kid on a leash, I'm told. Did that. Nuclear tantrums. Tantrums that even our social worker had a hard time dealing with. Put him in a stroller. Again, nuclear tantrums.
Put him on drugs. Would love to. Need a doctor for that. Oh right... I've spent the last 2 months actively searching for a family doctor. I'm fucking lucky I found a midwife. So, no, we don't have a doctor. Second problem with drugs - unless they are the "thin strips" type, he spits them out even when made into dust and sprinkled on ice cream. Althought, he will take his inhalers.
Put him in foster care. Tried to do that. Again, no funds. Not even for respite care.
Get a sitter. The last sitter we had who had him more than 2 hrs was amazed that I hadn't gone crazy cause of how he is. She is a grandmother with an autistic hyperactive son who couldn't handle MY son.
Put him in daycare. Would love to. But I need to go through the "process" that has been stalled for over 3 months because the local child development centre doesn't remember that I called and asked to see someone.
Bite me morons. Go spend 6 hrs "taking care" of my son and then tell me I'm a bad parent. Let's see if you can stay ahead of him.
And know what I just adore the most about all these comments - there is nothing directed at his father. I'm the one with all the responsibility because I'm the mother. What if I was working and this was his father posting instead? Would you still vilify him or have pity because he's just the father? Maybe, but I'd still be vilified for not putting my kids ahead of my career or some other lame excuse.
Grow up and smell the coffee. Parents are not perfect. Kids act up. Even when parents do all they can for their children, kids still get hurt.
Is it possible to keep your son safe all the time? No.
It is the banks responsibility? Even less so.
As for first aid, by rendering first aid, they make themselves even more liable because of people like you who have used words like "liability" and "lawsuit".
Every other place, they took the injured party's information and treated them as was needed and appropriate for the injury or accident or other emergency. Didn't matter if the injury was caused by negligence on their part or just a fluke. The fact was that they rendered aid, while the bank didn't.
That's what got me pissed. Especially since I asked for it.
Every other place had ice, bandaids and more. That's my point. What is or isn't in my first aid kit isn't part of this discussion.
I asked for help. I wasn't just refused it, I was ignored. There is a "good samaritan" clause which protects them for helping when they don't have a ticket. And when they do have one, they are required to help.
Also, you didn't answer my question. If your son is as accident prone as you say, then how can you not carry first aid supplies in a purse or in the car?
They didn't even give me a tissue for pity's sake. They're more than happy to give kids who go there lollipops but not a kleenex nevermind an ice pack or anything else truly first aid.
BTW, I did break mine open up in the car, the small kit, not the bigger kit that was kept in the back.
Why are you going on about that? Does it really matter whether or not I have a full jump kit in my car or just a few bandaids?
It might not have been there.
As I said, I was lucky. It was there.
Even kleenex would have been better than what they did.
I don't know about Canada, but in the United States, places of business must have first aid kids available for their employees because of OSHA standards. Therefore, they would have an ice pack (the kind you crack and it starts chilling immediately) and band-aids. Also, if it's basic first aid like applying a bandage, they're a lot less likely to be sued if they DO offer help, either before or after it's requested by the customer.
I can't imagine Canada would be much different. They tend to be more civilized than we are.
But oh yeah, it's so easy to blame the parent. You ever try carrying band-aids in a purse, buddy? They kinda go bad after a while.
Or the kid gets into the purse and you find little bandaid bits all over the place and s/he bounces up to you saying "Mommy, lookit my owies!"
Yes, that happened. Thrice. And not even the cheap ones, but the non-latex ones I have to use. Cute as he was, my wallet didn't appreciate it.
I asked for help.
It wasn't given.
That's the point.
My mother raised myself and my sister as a single mom, and she was not a superwoman. I dont blame you as a parent for not watching your son every second of every day, that isnt possible, I just dont agree with how you feel about what happened. Be rest assured, however, that I will post no more and leave your LJ alone.
You are welcome to post again in other entries, if you remain as civil. I recommend the "Canada's Worst Drivers" ones. :)
My thoughts exactly. We'd get harsher reprimands for not immediatly offering help to the kid who skinned his knee by the picnic tables while eating his ice cream than cracking open the fist aide kit. It was part of our "keep the customer happy" thing. I can imagine losing a lot of business if you refused a mom a bandaid for her kid.
In my new job, part of the training was how to assist an injured customer... about blood spill kits, applying first aide and that sort of thing unless the customer refuses. If they are bleeding, we have to do something about it because we have to treat all blood as if it is contaminated. We have to report it to management so it can be processed as part of the companies responsibilities to customers. Of course, it is a grocery store, not a bank... but still.
June Cleaver's a myth and no parent is perfect. My mom has put up with a lot of shit from the five + kids she's raised and I'm surprised she didn't just brain my siblings sometimes. I love her to pieces but she was in no way June Cleaver. She's human. Moms need to be given a break and people need to stop passing judgements on your ability to handle an obviously difficult child. You do what you can. All those imperfect people out there called moms do.
Sorry for floating over, got riled for your sake and had to say something.
Almost anyone who regularily from Ginmar is welcome. I trust her judgement with people. :)
I meant to say "regularily post over at Ginmar's is welcome."
What gets me is the people who think that if you have more than 1 kid, you can keep your eyes on all of them at the same time. This is just physically not possible. Try as you might, one or more will dissapear. Some you just have to trust that they won't go too far.
I read somewhere years ago that you can tell how secure a child is with his parents - the further they go, the more secure they are.
In short, I'm the kid that would disappear on mom. She didn't panic about it too much because she knew I would generally be alright. That trust was nice when I was younger but now, in school and life in general... more is expected of me. Oh well.
....I don't know if this was coherant of even remotely touched on my point. My excuse is I am also way too tired to be on LJ. Ahaha I said I was going to bed at least two hours ago. I'm such an addict. I'll try and come back tomorrow and see if I can make sense of what I said. Have a good night. :)
Oh good, my 2 cents count here
Many moons ago, my youngest jumped up and down in front of TV.. brass unicorn statue fell off and clonked him smack in the middle of his forehead. I sent him to school the next day as he had no dizziness or nausea. Except for the purdy bruise, he was fine.
Busybody at the school saw the bruise (clue up to the twit, if I had beaten him I sure as hell wouldn't have sent him to school with it) asked him what happened ("A Unicorn hit me!" and immediately called CPS saying I was abusing him. ANd you are right: if you need help from these people they can't be bothered, but they purely love to butt in when nothing is the matter.
Re: Oh good, my 2 cents count here
I know one woman who was going to get charged with child abuse because her DD had bruises on the back and front of her legs that looked like they were from a stick or something. It wasn't until in the social worker's office that it was discovered how they were being made. The kid, about a year at the time, would hook her legs into the bottom rung of her stroller and would bounce in place. This repeatitive motion caused her to get bruises specifically at the spots that were of "concern."
The mom looked at the social worker and demanded that what her DD was doing be documented. I don't know if it was, but that just shows that kids can get suspicious bruises from anything.
Re: Oh good, my 2 cents count here
I was told I need to be more proactive with my son's safety - like I would try to have myself crushed by drywall for fun.
Re: Oh good, my 2 cents count here
You can't win for loosing with those people!
You and DP are good parents. NEVER let anyone tell you otherwise.
June Cleaver is fictional and would never have survived having kids. Bah. Keep your chin up. No one deserves a break more than you and DP.
If I knew I could handle your bundles of energetic joy, I'd offer. But, I know I can't. Good luck.
DD got hurt yesterday and has a huge bruise on her face. Guess where she got hurt? At the pediatricians office waiting for our turn. Yup. And the doc saw her, looked at her face, specifically the bruise, and said she's fine. I've already had several people wonder where she got it and have been quite rude about it. I'm pretty sure someone would call CPS if they didn't believe my story.
People who know us know that our son is a triple handful. Thankfully DD isn't that yet. So I'm making sure their waiver pouches have both sets of waivers on them so all I have to do is grab one and stick it on the child in question for 40YC and pray that they don't have to use them. Yet, I'm being questioned about using them. Like WTF? My kids are runners. I'm pregnant and can't run after them. Our sitter vaped and so we don't have anyone we can have for extra eyes (the original plan) so we're using plan A instead - making sure the kids have a copy of their waivers on them! We both feel it is far safer to have a hand cramp up at gate than not have the waivers on them just in case something happens.
I'm trying to figure out a way to make garb where there's a hidden pouch in the back of the shirt.... but my mind can't figure it out.